Thaw
by Vyssirae
Summary: Lily goes through a serious tragedy that makes her stop wanting to live. James, though he has no idea what happened to her, must figure out how to break through to her in order to get her to love him in return.
1. Chapter 1

Another idea i'm trying out. Please review and let me know what you think! I know this is really short, next chapter will be much, much longer i promise

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Chapter 1

Lily Evans ran down Diagon Alley shoving aside anyone who dared get in her way. Finally she found a dark alleyway amidst the surrounding shops. She laid her forehead on the cold dark bricks. _How could he do this to me? she thought, I thought he loved me. Now Luke went off with that bitch Darcy! _Sobs racked her body as these thoughts ran through her mind.

A few minutes later as she started to calm down, she felt two hands roughly grab her shoulders. A silencing charm was used and as she struggled she felt herself being dragged deeper into the alley. She struggled as much as possible but in her current state of mind she had no energy to fight back. Her captors arm flew in front of her face showing a skull with a snake coming out of its mouth. The Dark Mark. This only caused her to panic more as she realized, _I'm going to be raped and murdered right here. _The thought flashed bright red before her eyes and she new it with such certainty that she gave up. She stopped fighting.

Her shirt was torn open and she collapsed before realizing minutes later that the assault had stopped. Two sets of arms carefully lifted her to her feet and laid a cloak over her shoulders. Only then did she look up. She saw one man bound and silenced, and the faces of her friend Remus Lupin and one of her sworn enemies, Sirius Black, looking at her with concern. She rushed into an embrace, still in shock. Remus placed his arm around her waist and Sirius placed an arm over her shoulders as they led her home.

Two weeks later back at Hogwarts after their Easter Break Lily sat quietly underneath a tree beside the lake. Lately she only wanted to be by herself. The only people she talked to were Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, and that was when they were alone. She refused point blank to talk to them if the other two Marauders were there. James was forever asking her out and being an annoying prat, and the other one, Peter, just gave her the creeps.

She wouldn't tell anyone what had happened. She had convinced herself that she should be dead. She didn't know why she wasn't. Slowly she stood up and made her way to the lake. She stared straight ahead as she walked in, deeper and deeper. The water was up to her knees, up to her waist. Once again, as they had so many other times in the past two weeks, two pairs of hands brought her back. They led her back to land and dried her off, but she didn't feel warmth. She hadn't felt warmth since that day in Diagon Alley.

"Lily," Sirius's voice broke through to her, "you need to stop doing this."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Remus asked concerned.

"I should be dead," she said calmly. "I was meant to die that day."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a shocked glance. This was the first time that she had answered them, and she felt that she ought to be dead? "No Lily. You are meant to be here, with us. Come on, let's go for a walk." Remus said carefully, exchanging a glance with Sirius. They helped her up and led her up to the school.

As they reached the front doors the doors flew open. Lily flinched at the sudden movement. James Potter ran through the doors to see his friends with their arms around Lily. His Lily. He immediately stopped.

"What the fuck is going on?" he said quietly, looking to his two friends for an explanation. They knew that they couldn't say what they had just stopped Lily from doing so instead they tried maneuvering around the subject.

"Prongs. What's up? Remus and I were just talking about how Gryffindor's team is gonna be awesome next year with you as captain." Upon hearing this James glanced at Lily and ruffled his hair a little. Sirius and Remus winced, they saw where this was going.

"So Evans, will you go out with me yet?" For the first time since that day in the alley the saw Lily pull herself together. Her eyes immediately flashed with anger and they saw the old Lily Evans.

"You fucking bastard, you unfeeling son of a bitch, you are the biggest asshole that I have ever met. If you don't get your fucking nose out of my fucking business, I swear to God that I will beat the shit out of you." All three of the Marauders couldn't believe their ears. Lily Evans, "Miss Perfect," had just shouted curse words into James's face out of no where. As she stomped past him into the castle she slapped him with all of her strength.

James was speechless as Sirius walked over and clapped him on the shoulder. "Thanks for cheering up Evans Prongsy. Talk to you later." Sirius went to go eat dinner in the Great Hall.


	2. Chapter 2

Please review! I'd love some feedback, cause with this story i'm a little iffy on the way I'm writing it. I'm teetering on the edge of making this super depressing, but i'm trying to keep it light. Let me know what you guy think!

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Chapter 2

After classes that afternoon Lily found a deserted corridor and sat on the window ledge. How had she suddenly come to life when James came around? Why did he always have to be such an asshole? How could he still ask her out after everything that had happened to her? Didn't he understand how shitty her life was without him screwing with her? He did know didn't he? Remus and Sirius wouldn't keep something that huge from their best friend could they? A huge assortment of jumbled thoughts swam through her head as she stared out at the grounds. There were a few couples scattered over the vast grounds, a few groups of kids playing Quidditch. Everyone's lives seemed to be going on as though everything were normal. Didn't they see that everything wasn't normal?

"Woah Evans! Why you looking so glum this fine day?" Sometime while she was staring out the window, James had come up to stand beside her. Somehow he could always find her, no matter where she tried to hide within the castle.

"Potter, please just go away," she said wearily without looking away from the grimy panes of glass.

"I don't think I can do that Lily-flower. See I'm a bit curious. What has you best friends with my friends these days?"

That question got her to at least glance up at him. "Don't you know?"

"Now I don't think I'd be asking you the question if I already knew the answer."

His response nearly got a smirk on her face. "Oh, well in that case why do you keep asking me out all the time?"

"Ah my dear flower, you have hit upon my one flaw. See I happen to be an optimist, and part of me is always going to believe I can win your heart." He moved to lay a hand on her shoulder, and she jumped away.

Lily began to back away down the hallway shouting angrily back at James. "Don't touch me! Never touch me! What's wrong with you? Just leave me alone!"

James was left in his place, shocked at her sudden change in demeanor, wondering what he had missed that had changed Lily so much.

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That night James stormed into his room in Gryffindor tower, spotting Remus and Sirius immediately and noting their wary faces.

"What haven't you told me?"

Sirius was the first to speak up. "Nothing at all James, except maybe that time when you had that proble-"

"Sirius mate. Just shut up and tell me the truth. You know what I'm talking about."

Now it was Remus's turn, and he left no room for argument. "James, maybe the reason we didn't tell you is because it's not our business to tell. Maybe keeping the information from you is what's best for her."

"Friends don't keep secrets from friends," James said stubbornly.

"We can't tell you this. I'm sorry James." With those final words, Sirius and Remus walked out of the room.

James sat there in angry silence for a few minutes, not believing that his friends would willingly keep something from him. It was like them stabbing him in the back. Then it hit him. If they were going to break friendship code, he would too. He grabbed his invisibility cloak and the map he and the Marauders had created and set out to follow Sirius and Remus.

He quickly caught up to them and began to listen in on their conversation.

"I feel really bad about keeping stuff from James," he heard Sirius say as he approached.

"You know we can't tell him what happened to her. He'd set out on a war path for her and cause her more damage," said Remus in a reasonable tone.

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt her more. Maybe she needs someone to be there for her. And James does bring out a fiery side of her that I haven't seen since before…you know." James was really confused, and a bit worried. He had never heard Sirius sound so…well…serious, or this concerned about anyone. But what was "you know"?

"With her trying to kill herself multiple times a day as it is, I don't know if now is the time to risk it." _WHAT? _Lily tries to kill herself? Why? She's perfect and beautiful and…

"Maybe now is the time to risk it. I mean she can't get any worse. Mate, I just don't know. I'm not equipped to help a person who was almost raped." My Lily? Who would do something like that? I'll kill him. Whoever he is, I'll kill him. I swear it.

"It has to be us. She doesn't trust anyone else. You know she only talks to us these days. She doesn't even answer in classes. I think she only talks to us because we were there and we helped her." Why didn't I notice she doesn't answer? Why didn't I notice she needs help? I…I don't know what to do. I need to help her, but what if Remus is right? What if I hurt her more?

"Shit Remus! I just realized, do you know where Lily is?"

"Damn it! We forgot to check the map. Let's split up, you run the castle, I'll check the grounds. Meet in 45 minutes if we haven't found her. "

James stood in shock as his two best friends ran in different directions, helping the girl he was desperately in love with. Filled with pride that he had found two of the best guys, who would do anything to help a girl, but at the same time terrified that maybe he wasn't up to par with them. It took him a minute to realize what he could do. He could check the map, it was right in his hand. He could find her. But would he want to see her? Would he want to see the miserable shell she had become? Would he be able to help her if he found her?

Shaking his head, he came to the realization that he was being selfish and stupid. His two friends had just run off on a wild goose chase to find the love of his life and here he was standing still. He glanced at the map in his hands, eyes scanning left and right over all of the dots all over the castle. What he saw terrified him. He found the dot that was Lily, and she was right on the edge of the Astronomy Tower.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey guys! I know it's been a while on this chapter, but this story really is a work in progress. Everything about this story is developing as I go. I really would love some feedback, so please review! I appreciate every single one. Thanks! I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 3

James had never run so fast in his life. Later he might wonder why he hadn't simply summoned his broom, but he didn't allow himself time to think. He weaved through more hallways than he could count. One student went flying as he knocked her and her books all over the floor. But nothing stopped him.

He sprinted up all of the flights of stairs to the Astronomy Tower, thanking anyone who could hear that he was so in shape from playing Quidditch. He slowly opened the door, not wanting to scare her over the edge. Lily slowly turned to face him, and when she saw who was there, she became angry.

"Why don't you just leave me alone!" she cried.

"Lily, what are you doing up here?" James said quietly as he slowly walked closer to her.

Lily wouldn't look him in the eye. "That's none of your business."

James was almost beside her now. "Please tell me it's not what I think it is."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Get away from me!"

James grabbed her arm and pulled her off of the edge of the tower. Her feet were barely set onto the floor before she was trying to drag her arm out of his grip. "LET GO!"

He pulled her into his arms and refused to let go. "No."

Lily screamed and pushed as hard as she could against his grip. She writhed and scratched at his arms. She fought with him for nearly 10 minutes before she began to tire. "Please just let me go. I need... He should..." and she slumped into his grip and began to cry. He carefully lowered both of them to the ground, and sat there with her in his arms until she eventually cried herself to sleep.

James had no idea how long he sat there just holding on to her. A million thoughts were running through his head. He had no idea what to do with all of the information he received today. But he did know one thing for sure. He would do anything for the woman he was holding in his arms.

He slowly came to realize a few things. His previous plan of "Drive Lily Crazy Until She Marries Me" was definitely not going to work under the new circumstances. He would have to try something new. Maybe right now what she needed was for him to be there for her. She didn't need to realize today that she would spend the rest of her life with him. She just needed someone to take care of her, and he was the perfect man for that job. He could deal with any reaction she had. Anger he dealt with every day. Tears, he had learned to deal with today. He would deal with it all to make her happy again. Happy like she used to be.

He was just beginning to nod off himself when he heard the door creak open. Slowly and carefully he pulled his wand out of his pocket. He turned his head to see who dared interrupt this strangely ethereal moment and saw two people he should have expected to find him. Sirius and Remus slowly entered the door and their jaws dropped in shock as they saw what was before them. This was the last thing they had expected to see when they got to the top of the tower. Maybe a raunchy couple snogging on the stone floor, or a silent contemplative individual staring up at the sky, or maybe even Lily, attempting another one of her crazy suicides, but not this.

James put his finger to his lips to indicate that Lily was asleep and he ignored the confused and curious looks coming from his friends. Finally Sirius raised his wand and drew some words in the air. "What the bloody hell happened here?"

James too drew his wand and began to write glowing letters in the air. "I found her and she cried herself to sleep." He didn't think there was any need to tell them that he followed them, or of the screaming fight that she had started.

Remus however noticed the scratches all over his arms. He also began to write in the air. "What happened to your arms?"

"Lily wasn't happy when I pulled her off the edge. It's nothing," he wrote.

Sirius and Remus looked at each other and quietly came forward to sit next to the two already on the floor. There were no more questions asked, just a mutual, unspoken understanding that the three boys would do anything to help Lily get better. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, the only slight interruption occurring when they heard two people stumbling up the stairs. Sirius quickly took care of the problem however, quietly exiting the room and returning after a suspiciously long amount of time.

Upon his return, and upon seeing his slightly ruffled appearance, Remus and James looked at him questioningly.

Again, Sirius wrote into the air, this time it was only 4 words. "It was two girls."

Remus and James raised their eyebrows in interest, but didn't say a word, deciding to ask him about the whole situation at a better time.

Later that night Lily woke up to the weirdest situation. It was so strange that she assumed that she hadn't actually woken up all the way. There were Remus and Sirius, leaning against a wall, fast asleep with their mouths wide open. And even weirder, some guy had his arms wrapped around her. She felt completely safe, which was odd in and of itself because guys didn't generally leave her with an overall feeling of safety these days. She slightly turned her head to see who was there with her and jumped to her feet upon seeing his face.

"POTTER?" she screeched. "Why? What is going on? Did you seriously take advantage of the situation to cop a feel!"

James's eyes shot open, but his expression was one of dazed confusion. "What are you doing in my room Lils? You're never in my room..." Then he realized where he was. "Oh, Merlin Lily, no I didn't take advantage of you. You were trying to kill yourself! I would never take advantage of you! I love you! I just didn't want anything to happen to you!"

"Love?" she said slowly as though the word hadn't crossed her mind. "You don't love me."

Realizing that he had said it out loud, James knew there was no turning back. "I do love you Lily. And no this isn't some scheme to win you over. You are amazing and beautiful and I really do mean all of that. But that isn't the point. I want you to understand that I just want to be there and help you. I want to be there when you need me. Maybe one day you'll want to be with me for real. But for now, I'm alright with just being there for you. As a friend. As support. As whatever you need."

Lily's eyes filled with tears. She had no idea what to think about what James had said, but she wanted to believe him. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her, and a small part of her wanted someone to be there to help her. Maybe she would give him the chance to be that person.

"Ok."

James was in shock. Lily, the love of his life had finally accepted one of his propositions. Sure it wasn't a date, or anything close to that. But she was giving him a small chance, and that was more than he had dreamed of hoping for when he woke up that morning. He would not screw this up. He couldn't.


End file.
